I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
