I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
