She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
