God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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