We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
