if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How naked do you want me to be?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
