Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
