Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
