NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
