Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
