i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
