I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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