I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
