I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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