I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
