We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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