Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
