and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
