i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
