so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
