these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
