What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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