So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
3pm strippers are depressing
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
