I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
