Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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