STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
