She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
