I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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