Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
