Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
