he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
