this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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