Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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