I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
