she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
