Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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