jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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