So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize