I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
