you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
