My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
a search helicopter?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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