I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
