you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
