In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
