babies were throwing up all over the place
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
