sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
