32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
