bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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