I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
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thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
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Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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