I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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