I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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