I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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