I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
