we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A bitchslap is in order.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
