high people should be assigned attendants
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
