i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
