i may or may not be watching the land before time
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
