I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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