Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
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Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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