Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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