You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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