You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
