Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
