sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
