So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
