i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
