i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
