i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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