I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
