Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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