i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
