When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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