Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I love you.
Bad choice
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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