i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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