I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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