Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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