I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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