Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
